Why It’s YOUR Fault…
It’s MY FAULT?? Who the hell are you to blame me?? I’m sure you are asking these questions… Why? Well, because I’m blaming everyone but myself – and since you are not me, this includes you, right?
Well, no… So why the title? This blog is my personal blog about me. If you know me, you kind of already know this story. If you don’t know me – you’re about to.
I have two main points in this blog – my past journey, which is categorized in It’s Everybody’s Fault I’m A Drug Addict, and my current journey which is putting all the power of 35 years of knowledge, work, 8 years of education, an MBA and pushing it all behind my current secondary job of being a…. (wait for it… wait for it…) …paperboy… Uhhh… Yeah. I got a paper route. I have a full time job as a Service Delivery Manager for ADP (Automatic Data Processing), which is a kind of Project Manager, but because of medical bills for my husband and I, bad purchases, and a lot of bad decisions we got in debt… I got us on a great budget a few years ago that would help speed us to financial freedom. I listened to Dave Ramsey and used so much of the information I learned on the show to good use, but financial freedom still seemed to be a ways away. It’s been years of running life pretty tight, but in the middle of October of 2011, I found we were only about 2 years away from having everything but the house paid off! As it came closer, 2 years still seemed so far away so I came up with an idea to get everything paid off, and in November picked up this paper route, in the hopes to dump every dollar on debt and shorten this to less than a year. Then there is the other half of this blog which focuses on my past…
I am a recovering meth addict. To the date I am writing this, I am about 3 weeks from my 11 years clean milestone. However, all through, and leading up to my problems with drugs, I blamed the world for everything that went wrong. I would only take credit for that which went right. Everything was “those people’s” fault. It kept be from facing the blunt truth – I am those people.
One day I was sitting with my husband watching The Simpsons, and something had gone wrong in Homer’s world, and he uttered, “Awww, This is everybody’s fault but mine…” My eyes lit up. My GOD! In what was supposed to be a comedic moment (and was), I saw the reasons for everything I had been through! I latched onto it – not as my actual excuse, but to try and help explain to everyone – my friends, my family, EVERYONE, when asked the inevitable questions, “When everything was going so poorly for you, how did you not just wake up and say, ‘OMG! I have to stop!” Well, this is the reason… Because I truly thought it was everybody’s fault but mine.
I have always wanted to write down some of the things that have happened to me during my 7 years of craziness. I figured some people might think it was funny, some would think it was horrific. I kind of hope for both – but I also hope that there might be a little bit of hope for someone that is either going through this, or knows someone going through this. In the end, I’m well aware that the odds are stacked against users. They just are. Most people never get out of this life – I look back, and it feels like a dream. But the reality is – there IS an escape! Some will find it, most will not. And I can only say I’ve found it for now. Tomorrow, I could be back out doing everything I used to do – but today I am clean. That’s all that really matters.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this, and you can always contact me if you have any questions!
P.S. – I also have a lot of other stuff I wanted to remember here, not just my past, but also my current journey. I have categorized things out so you can easily skip through the stuff you don’t care about – don’t worry, I only care about half of it myself 😉