Ok, and we continue on… I keep wanting to update this more on a week to week basis, but I just get busy and… Yeah… Anyway! It’s funny, often day to day I feel like this just isn’t working – this just isn’t doing what it’s supposed to be doing. Despite all evidence to the contrary – even with my weight moving down, I catch myself going, “Crap… Why isn’t this working?” I know this to be what it is – it’s a reason for me to believe that it isn’t working. Why would I want to do that? Because if it isn’t working then I can go back to eating whatever I want. The thing is though? I don’t mind eating the way I eat on this diet! It’s fine! And as I’ve said before, it’s not as difficult to pass up things when I have a craving by saying, “Hmmm, that looks good – I guess I’ll save it for this weekend!” Easy! But still? I self-sabatoge… But especially when I look at each picture of the month side by side, I realize, I’m really happy with what is going on.
So what’s up? It’s not really any different than my other stories – it’s a good reason to fail. If I fail, then I can blame others. If I can blame others then I have no problems. If I have no real problems then everything that happens is everyone else’s fault, and so the cycle runs.
I think the big thing is I see so many people that have been on this for 3 or 4 months and now they look “perfect,” (whatever that means). I finish 4 months and I’ve still got a long way to go. But guess what? A lot of those people started out with like 20 lbs to lose. I have at least 100 lbs to lose! But here is the good news – I had a small goal that came up about 2 months ago – “What if I could lose 50 lbs by the end of September?” Well guess what!!??? I didn’t… BUT I came close! 48 lbs down! I was only 2 lbs shy of that goal, and he 50 lbs will come when it comes. I have a tendency to see only what I didn’t do, rather than what I did. I… Lost… almost 50 fucking lbs in 4 months!!! Could I really ask for that much more?
|09/04/2012||287.2(After Carb Nite)|
|09/11/2012||287.4(After Carb Nite)|
|09/17/2012||282.0(After Carb Nite)|
|09/23/2012||282.4(After Carb Nite)|
11.4 lbs lost this month – 47.8 lbs lost total! 2.2 lbs to my mini-goal. 4.2 lbs to hit my 10 year low. 268 was the lowest I ever got on HCG. Once I pass this, I’ll be the lightest I’ve been since that mess about 4 years ago.