“Turn that FUCKIN’ SHIT DOWN! Mothafucka!!!!”
“Wow” I thought to myself. “I’m staring down the barrel of a gun.” Where am I? What the hell am I doing here? All I did was offer some guy a ride, and now I’m looking down the barrel of a gun! I guess no good deed goes unpunished, right?
20 minutes earlier, I had stopped at the Circle K to pick up more smokes. Some guy asked me if I could give him a ride to his girlfriends house. I had just put in a stereo system into my car that I couldn’t afford and was worth more than the crappy car itself. I was excited to show it off!
“Hop in!” I offered. He jumped in, and off he went. I wanted to impress this guy I didn’t know, because what people we don’t know think about us is really important, right? I found the best music I could find to show off my system, and Daft Punk was chosen. I turned it up, and the guy was totally into it. He asked me to pump it louder. 2 AM, bass hitting hard, and we were off!
“You like Coke?” He asked me. I said, “I’m a meth guy to be honest, but I like free even better, you got some?”
“I gots it at my girls house.”
“Well, then why are we goin’ so slow?”
He laughed, and I hit the gas. We pulled up, and he disappeared into a hedge running along the side of the house. I’ve been through things like this before – someone promises dope, but the moment you aren’t in sight they are off. Greedy fuckers.
He’d been gone less than a minute, and all of a sudden, he was coming back at me, like the world was playing in reverse. His back was to me when he ducked to the back of the house, but his back was still to me as he was coming back. What the hell? Then I saw the reason. A gigantic man, 3 times his size had him by the throat pushing him backwards back through the hedge. In one movement, he threw the guy backwards up against my car, continued to the passengers side window, leaned in through it, and dropped a gun in my face.
“Turn that FUCKIN’ SHIT DOWN! Mothafucka!!!”
His voice had been forceful and loud, but at the same time, calm. It was very disconcerting. Half of me was thinking, “Wow, I’m staring down the barrel of a gun – how interesting…” The other, more sensible part of me was trying to find the volume as quickly as possible.
I still has absolutely no idea what was going on. I was just going to get a little dope for giving this guy a ride, and now… Now, everything was fucked up. I’m so sick of this! I’m just a nice guy who likes to get high, and now I’ve got a gun in my face. What the fuck did I do wrong?
The two kept yelling at each other, and I couldn’t even tell what they were yelling about. I probably should have left, but… I still hadn’t got my coke! Plus, I just couldn’t take my eyes of the situation.
The bigger guy (the one with the gun) took a few steps back, pointed the gun at the ground, and started shooting. Like something out of an old western, the only thing missing was him saying, “Dance!” with a gruff voice, aged with unfiltered, self-rolled cigarettes, whisky, and trail dust. My former passenger, was jumping in the air screaming like a drag queen that just lost her wig at the pageant.
He circled around “big trigger” and while he was confused, dove through my passenger window, and started screaming “GO GODDAMN IT! GO GO GO!!!” I ground the gear of my new car into first, hit the gas. I kept waiting for the scene from the movies where the back window shatters from a bullet and I swerve back and forth, tootling down the street. It never happened. My new friend worked on righting himself, as currently his face was pressed up against my floor mats, and his feet were still flailing out my window.
He got turned around and said, “Damn! I dun know what da FUCK just happen bro! I jus wanted to see ma girl! Dat motha fucka tink I’m ‘is bitch? He tink he taken my lady? Di’ you see dat modafucka shoot at me!?”
Do I look fucking blind, or deaf? How the fuck would I miss him shooting at this this guy at 2 AM. What a moron…
“Yeah… I saw that – so did you get the coke?”
“Wha? Man no, I couldn’t get in to my lady! But did you see dat fuckin’ guy? He just…”
“You didn’t get ANYTHING?”
“No Man! I sorry, I jus..”
“CAN you get anything?”
“I jus need to get to my woman”
“Get the fuck out of my car.”
“Wha? Man! I was tryin’!”
“Get. The. Fuck. Out.”
He shook his head, and got out, “Man… Dis ain’t right!” He was still talking when I took off, so I didn’t hear everything. What a fuck! I went through all of that and still… No dope. What a fucking rip off. If it just weren’t for flakes like that, the world would be a better place. Everything would stay fun if it weren’t for lowlifes like this – it sure as shit wasn’t my fault – it’s the fault of people like this…